Blogging Day 1, Running Day 2

(I did not draw this, I stole it from the internet)

I have never felt fat, never once my whole life.  Despite having gone from being a size 4 in high school to my current 8-12 range depending on the clothes, I never really noticed - I still always felt comfortable with my body.  I think I was always very lucky that way, I mean sure I had my little things that bothered me (like my giant feet, or spider-esque fingers) but overall I was blessed with a pretty healthy body image.  That is, until Tuesday night when I plopped myself down on my couch to the appalling sound of my jeans ripping - I seriously thought I had sat on something.  After realising that this was not the case, I discovered the massive rip in the derriere of my jeans which a CSI might determine was the result of an ass exploding out of forced confinement desperate for air.  I went to bed feeling fat, and thought "Oh, this is why women always talk about this" - it feels shitty!  I laid in bed unable to sleep, tossing and turning as I thought about how much I have changed from my former super athletic and fit self.  I used to win cross-country races, and I enjoyed it - now I get tired from a ten minute hike.  I used to play rugby competitively, now I couldn't explain half the rules to my fiancee (I f-ing hate that word and I will never use it again, I only said it so people would know who he is if they don't already) Dan while he watched the rugby world cup.  I used to play soccer, a sport I started probably the same year that I started to walk thanks to my soccer-passionate Scottish father - even that I gave up playing recreationally just this summer.  Sports and athleticism used to be such a dominate part of my identity, so sitting there realising how all that has fallen away over time, I was left wondering who I was now.  If I had not already quit smoking a month and a half ago this would have definitely been the night that I would have finally decided to do it.  Thankfully, I had already taken that plunge, and I had taken it with the mindset that I would regain some of my former athletic identity.  However, in true procrastinator nature I managed to put that off as well.
I awoke in the morning determined, the most determined that I have felt in a really long time.  I knew that morning that I was going to do this, I was going to get back to feeling healthy and regaining that feeling that feeling I had always underestimated of feeling comfortable in my own skin.  I hope that keeping this blog will help keep me on track and maybe it can help motivate others to finally do that thing they've been putting off with excuse after excuse.

Running Day 1:
21min
5.0-5.5 mph
1.71 miles
+
25 sit-ups

Running Day 2:
22min
5.5mph
2.0 miles
+
30 sit-ups